His appointment at 6 AM EDT (which last week was 5 AM EST) required that we awaken at 4:30 AM EDT (formerly known as 3:30 AM EST) to get ready and travel 40 some miles, with traffic lights and the unpredictable Coleman Bridge, to the hospital.
The door we had always used for one-day procedures was closed and an impatient voice directed us to the pavilion on the other side of the facility. After clomping through the rain with Husband panting, we found the pavilion, where we were directed to go to another far end of the hospital, which must cover 50 square acres. He registered and climbed into a bed on wheels pushed up by elevator to the third floor by our transporter, Mozelle. Given an IV and cable TV, Husband put on his gown and settled in for the wait. His beautiful nurse, Mary Jo, was six feet tall, thin, and wore a long pony tail. I couldn't help thinking of Audrey Hepburn.
Finally Mozelle returned and down we went to first floor surgery. After about 2.5 hours in the waiting room, the doctor was done and Husband had a new energy source planted in his left upper thorax. I knew we were in for trouble when Mozelle had to keep after him to lie back so she could see where she was going. Obviously he was fighting whatever sedation they gave him (3.5 times the normal dosage they later said).
Husband Fights Off Sedation
"I want two breakfasts!!
Look!! I can touch my toes!!
Did you hear the one about the Amish drive-by shooting?"
Back on the third floor, Mary Jo sternly cautioned Husband to lie flat because his incision was weeping and the massive dose of sedative might make him woozy.
Husband and medication sometimes result in Husband squared or Husband times Husband. Around new audiences, he became the stand-up comedian he was born to be. Having seen his act before,I tried to keep him flat and when he refused, I went for Mary Jo. She found him not only sitting up but in the bathroom defying her orders to use the plastic urinal she went to the trouble of providing. I reminded her that he does what he wants no matter who tells him no. As soon as we got him back to the bed, he began snoring. Awake/asleep took about 2 seconds.
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Goodnight Sweet Prince
When it was time to go, Mary Jo wheeled him to the entrance and warned me not to stop anywhere because he might try to drive. And I didn't. Thanks, Mary Jo!!
Oh my goodness, I never would have thought a description of an outpatient hospital procedure could make me giggle so much. You really had your hands full, didn't you?
ReplyDeleteI love the little drawings, too. This whole post is super.
I hope all is well now, and that the implant is doing its job properly.
K
And let me guess, when Mary Jo asked him how he was feeling after he woke up, he gave his standard answer of "almost perfect."
ReplyDeleteLaughed out loud on this one, esp. the "I want two breakfasts" part and of course the accompanying illustrations.
Phew ! I have no words..you are Iron Woman. First of all, I am so glad you two survived the challenge course known as hospital entrance/ hospital maze..in which patients try to make it through long-distance-endurance runs on slick hospital floors. Seoondly, you survived the husband competing as Most Difficult Patient O' the Month, and had the delightful humor to sketch his antics. What a gift you have for writing; Erma Bombeck had nothin' on you...
ReplyDeleteP.S., my last name is Coleman, and I am sorry that my bridge was so unpredictable,(and nearly blew your daughter off its span last week on a windy day.)
LLC
I feel your pain, Mom. Been there done that. I have come to the conclusion that hospitals are designed with the saying, "you can't get there from here" in mind and you have to walk 25 miles because the elevator in front of you won't go to the floor you want, but the one in the other wing at the end of the hallway will. And what is it with men that they can't follow directions? My husband couldn't, with or without the sedative.
ReplyDeleteTake care, all will be well.
We still don't know that it is doing the intended job. Nothing has slowed him down at all. We just got back from Granddaughter's BB tournament and they won their games. The location of the tournament was a little detail for which Granddaughter forgot the directions...or the name of the school/facility. Fresh from the hospital pac-man maze, we were unconcerned and happy with the triple-turnaround-frantic-last minute search for the location of the contest. Adversity can be a good thing!!
ReplyDeletewhat is it with men, hospital and sedatives? this reminds me of one of the less scary episodes Toonman had when he was in hospital in 2011 ...
ReplyDeleteGlad it all went well. And that Husband didn't drive home.
ReplyDeleteMen!
ReplyDelete