Thursday, October 24, 2013


Entropy is defined as disorder or chaos.  The second law of thermodynamics holds that in an isolated or closed system, order tends toward and becomes disorder.  While these are subjective terms (order, disorder), examples can be pointed to in everyday terms.  Every bright light bulb will eventually fail and go to the trash.  Children are born who will always grow old and die.  One distant day the sun will burn out and our environmentally well-ordered planet earth will be incinerated in the enveloping expansion of its dying star.  No matter how many times we scrub the kitchen floor, it will be dirtier than ever over time.

My rear view is nowhere near this orderly now.

Depressing as this is, there is one thing not considered in all of this:  beginnings.  Currently science says that beginning (as in the big bang) can come from nothing.  This defies human logic and causes tremendous problems of symmetry, or balance.  No rising from the ashes and going on to repeat the process.  No symmetry.  I feature that beginnings come from unknown endings, at least that is my natural supposition since I'm preparing for a period of permanent disorder (old age).

These roses had their day, shattered and fell to the ground (entropy).
But new roses will be around next year to do the same.

I have always shied away from "hard" science, otherwise known as physics, because I feared it was difficult enough to bring down my grades and cause entropy of my self esteem.  So in high school I signed up for physics and dropped it for study hall out of panic.  Another girl seized the opportunity and begged to purchase my used and therefore cheap textbook for the price I paid.  Later on, I changed my mind and decided to return to physics.  When I asked to buy back my book, the other girl said "No," and I was forced to pay for a new text book which I could ill afford.  The irony of all this:  the girl who found my book such a bargain was a millionaire's daughter who grew up on a big southern plantation.  I, on the other hand, was abandoned by my father and supported by my unemployed mother.  Everyone knew this.  In that moment I felt first hand the cruelty and apathy of the "haves" in this world.  And the concept of entropy here:  used book (order), selling the book in a moment of weakness (beginning disorder) having to buy more expensive book (0 minus 10 on the order scale).  Science rules.

Science rules and is spectacularly beautiful!

Tuesday, October 1, 2013


As an individual, I am prone to philosophy and dreams; practical considerations are best left to the others in my life.  This finds me frequently undone when confronted with credit card transactions and smiling waitresses and friends stuffing several large bills in my hand.  Little girl lost.

A few minutes before, snatched from the realm of soft blue sky, waves lapping against moored sailboats,and the floating ambiance of waterbirds riding on the breeze and leaving a musical trail of their native sounds (Merrior, a wine and seafood taste experience on the water), I snap back into the ordinary world unable to transition.

In my defense, I am not quite senile, and possess an average intelligence.  As I told someone in a dream last night, I was an honor student, a somewhat capable basketball player AND "Miss Courtesy" in high school.  Despite these meager though well-rounded accomplishments, I trip over the door sill of sophisticated card-swiping, technical Nirvana and appear to need a boy scout to lead me across the street.

At Merrior 
I fumble while my brain is stuck in neutral and sweat forms on my
 face, causing my thinning hair to plaster to my cheeks.
Everyone jumps to my rescue.

And now feeling as inferior as possible, I shop for an Apple TV, which is an appliance which allows TV to show internet options, like Netflix.  Grandson thought they were in the $30 range.  Surprise!  The cheapest was $48 and it wasn't Apple, which were closer to $100.  For someone whose monthly income is $120, and has many cats to feed and vet, this is a considerable amount.


Misty, one of my dependents rests after mowing the grass.

I will mull over my wants, needs, and resources and build the resolve to get the gadget and have Grandson do the rest.  He understands.

Grandson who makes it ever so hard to hate men.