BATTERIES INCLUDED

Husband's cardiologist determined his irregular heartbeat, which was not responding to cardio-version or medication, required the installation of a defibrillator, a small implant which helps in many cases to normalize things.

His appointment at 6 AM EDT (which last week was 5 AM EST) required that we awaken at 4:30 AM EDT (formerly known as 3:30 AM EST) to get ready and travel 40 some miles, with traffic lights and the unpredictable Coleman Bridge, to the hospital.

The door we had always used for one-day  procedures was closed and an impatient voice directed us to the pavilion on the other side of the facility.  After clomping through the rain with Husband panting, we found the pavilion, where we were directed to go to another far end of the hospital, which must cover 50 square acres.  He registered and climbed into a bed on wheels pushed up by elevator to the third floor by our transporter, Mozelle.  Given an IV and cable TV, Husband put on his gown and settled in for the wait.  His beautiful nurse, Mary Jo, was six feet tall, thin, and wore a long pony tail.  I couldn't help thinking of Audrey Hepburn.

Finally Mozelle returned and down we went to first floor surgery.  After about 2.5 hours in the waiting room, the doctor was done and Husband had a new energy source planted in his left upper thorax.  I knew we were in for trouble when Mozelle had to keep after him to lie back so she could see where she was going.  Obviously he was fighting whatever sedation they gave him (3.5 times the normal dosage they later said).

Husband Fights Off Sedation

"I want two breakfasts!!

Look!!  I can touch my toes!!

Did you hear the one about the Amish drive-by shooting?"

Back on the third floor, Mary Jo sternly cautioned Husband to lie flat because his incision was weeping and the massive dose of sedative might make him woozy.

Husband and medication sometimes result in Husband squared or Husband times Husband.  Around new audiences, he became the stand-up comedian he was born to be.  Having seen his act before,I tried to keep him flat and when he refused, I went for Mary Jo.  She found him not only sitting up but in the bathroom defying her orders to use the plastic urinal she went to the trouble of providing.  I reminded her that he does what he wants no matter who tells him no.  As soon as we got him back to the bed, he began snoring.  Awake/asleep took about 2 seconds.

Goodnight Sweet Prince

When it was time to go, Mary Jo wheeled him to the entrance and warned me not to stop anywhere because he might try to drive.  And I didn't.  Thanks, Mary Jo!!

FEELING UNCOMMONLY COMMON

The first sights and sounds we experience serve to shape our emotional demeanor and to place us in the hierarchical web of society for life.  A self-appraisal etched in stone then directs us to be what we have been fated to be.

In my case, it could only have been the sound of quarreling and the sight of my parents tussling over money.  Dad liked to gamble and Mom tried to prevent that.  There was never any resolution and after twenty years, they divorced.  My early years were like living in an off-Broadway company of "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf," minus the alcohol.

Liz and Dick play my parents.

Trying to overcome your early imprinting is just about impossible.  Staying happy in an atmosphere of highly-charged anger requires skill and the ability to hide and remain silent.  I had one place they could never find me - the knee hole of my bedroom vanity.  I could watch them pass me and not answer their calls.  Let them worry, I gloated.  To this day, I have fantasies of disappearing into a sea of unknowns and becoming someone else; to fabricate a new childhood and adulthood; to make the necessary positive revisions to the history of a happy and confident me.

Lets start over again from here!!

I post this self-pity in honor of National Dismal Introspection Month (March) which has people I hardly know calling me to say how depressed they are.  Chin up, people, we shall meet in the spring, if we make the journey through the mattress!!

See ya at the meeting place.